Before period feelings are interesting. They cluster together to make something with a similar essence, but they are different each time. So much to investigate. Right now, I am NOT experiencing deep sadness. I think I’ve learnt over time, that this happens when I haven’t been listening to my own wisdom and taking action! Or looking after myself and getting enough rest.

About a month ago when I was actually bleeding, I wanted to record the feelings in this way. I think I am going to do it for all four ‘seasons’. I am in autumn right now and here I am.

I have a headache. I did yesterday too. I’m clumsy. A little tired. There is also a light rage! It’s unspecific. I just need to say grrrrrr out loud every now and then and violently shake my limbs. When I go outside, I look at the ground more.

When I was waiting for Alice and Becky yesterday there were two young people waiting for someone as well. I could feel one of them looking at me. With paranoia I used to frown and look away but now I give people a very warm smile. When you make someone smile with a smile it’s sooooo nice. I am not so generous with people who are creeping me out, although that’s theoretical and it’s not always clear what the safest thing to do is.

I feel introspective. My face is puffy, and I don’t really want people to see it. Pains starting to glimmer. I have an aversion to touch and loud sounds. I need more sleep.

I don’t have much motivation but as long as I take it slow, I think I can do work that is helpful and moves things on without overexerting myself and asking for despair. This time last week I made promises to myself about getting enough sleep and pausing to reset when I noticed overwhelm, before making it worse or adding on layers. It went well! Lol. The sacrifice of going to bed even if you feel creative or on to something is a lot smaller than the price you pay the next day and days.